When you say nothing at all...

When you say nothing at all

I feel you tell me more

Than when you speak

When you say nothing at all

Your eyes tell me

What words can never express

When you say nothing at all

I know that within

You are hurting, real bad

When you say nothing at all

Inside you are crying

Even if your eyes are dry

When you say nothing at all

You cause me more pain

Than when you speak

So talk to me, tell me

I implore you, tell me

Speak to me

Tell me what pains you

Tell me what’s hurting you

Tell me

Speak to me

That I may share your pain

For what it’s worth

Speak to me

For you kill me

When you say nothing at all

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda.

The "smallest" things

This post has been written as part of the writetribe initiative.

***“Ajay, I’m leaving you.”

 “What?” If a bolt had hit him from the blue, he couldn’t have been more taken aback. “What’s wrong with us?” he managed to say.

 “I don’t know. All I know is that I’m just not happy with you anymore.”

“But..but what have I done wrong? You’ve got to tell me!”.

“Where do I start?” I paused for a moment. “Ok, remember my miscarriage?” It was something we didn’t talk much about, especially after our now 3-year old daughter, Aditi, had come into our lives. But I had to bring it up to make a point.

“Yes, what about it?”

“Well, you weren’t there at the hospital with me, were you? And I needed you more than anybody else at that time.”

“We’ve been through this before. I told you I was hosting the annual office Christmas party. Everybody was there, I was the chief host.  I just HAD to be there. I did keep constantly in touch with the hospital on the phone, you know.”

“Remember the time my parents had taken a stopover in Mumbai on their Singapore-Paris journey just to see us one evening? I told you weeks in advance to keep that evening free. But you HAD to fly out of town on just THAT day! Now my dad’s gone forever…”

“I know – and I feel really bad about it. You know I liked your dad. But when I flew out that morning to Delhi, I was very sure the contract would be signed in a couple of hours and I could be comfortably back by evening. But those guys suddenly wanted to go through all the fine print and the meeting went on till late evening. I really couldn’t help it, dear”.

 “And is there a reason you call Aditi Aditya all the time? You always said it didn’t matter whether it was a girl or a boy, as long as we had a baby. Yet, you’ve never once called her by her name. Is there a problem, Ajay?”

“Oh, that!” he laughed. “No, not at all! She’s my little boy”.

“No, she isn’t. She’s our little girl. And if you have a problem with that, fine. I’ll rephrase that - she’s MY little girl.”

“Come on now, don’t be silly. You’re blowing these small things way out of proportion. Ok, so you’re right about all this stuff – but haven’t I made it up to you every single time? After the miscarriage, I took you to London to make you feel better. And I did get you a diamond bracelet to say sorry for not being able to meet your parents, didn’t I?”

“That’s just it, Ajay. That’s exactly the problem. For you these are “small” things – which you can “make up for” with a gift. Well, you know what? Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart.  And after so many of these “small things”, there really isn’t any room left in my heart anymore. Maybe you wanted a trophy wife – you sure picked the wrong person to marry then. I’m leaving you, Ajay – and I’m taking Aditi with me.”

“You can’t! You wouldn’t! Where will you go anyway? You need me. A man. You don’t know how tough it is for a woman out there on her own. That too with an infant child”.

“Thanks for your concern. But I’ll manage just fine, thank you.  I don’t need a man in my life. It’s a myth that a woman needs a man to take care of her”.

Ajay was stunned. He’d never seen his wife like this.

As I left, I called back from the driveway. “By the way, I’ve left the diamond bracelet and all your other fancy guilt gifts in the cupboard. Feel free to worship the cupboard now. You can even call it Aditya if you like”.

***

Thoughts about Valentine's Day

I think I can already visualise some eyebrows going up. :-)

Raja talking about Valentine's Day? Hmmm...

I am not even going to try to understand what people are making out of this but it is a fact that tomorrow IS 14th February.

In other words, Valentine’s Day.

Once again a certain section of the world’s population will be warming to the occasion.

And another, a vastly larger section, will go about its business, completely indifferent and, most likely, unaware of the occasion.

It is a fact that, though awareness about Valentine’s Day has, over the years, increased around the world, it still has a long way to go, to get anywhere close to even Easter, let alone Christmas, in terms of awareness and celebration.

I quite like Valentine's Day. There, I've said it! :-) Yes, I quite like it.

When I was growing up in India, all I knew about Valentine's Day was that it was on the 14th of February and it vaguely had something to do with love. That was it! I know it sounds hugely unromantic but that was the level of awareness for me in the 1970s and early 80s about this occasion. Maybe it would have been different if I'd been growing up in a city but I think, in general, India was not particularly valentined in those days. (Oh, what have I missed! ;-) ).

As with any other occasion, there is a history attached to Valentine’s Day too. But over the years – and certainly with the spread of the concept around the world – the history has taken a backseat and the symbolism of the day has taken centerstage in people’s minds.

I think it is safe to say that today, when one thinks of Valentine’s Day, it means one thing in most people’s minds. A day when their love for their nearest and dearest one(s) is supposed to overflow. Explicitly.

That explains the numerous manifestations of love that can be seen on Valentine’s Day. It could be as big a deal as a marriage proposal (often colloquially referred to as “popping the big question”). Or something less relationship-redefining as a box of chocolates or flowers or jewellery or cards or poetry. It could be just about anything that indicates a special bond of love or caring between two persons.

I may be wrong but I think that, in the past, Valentine’s Day was specifically meant to be about lovers or couples expressing their love for each other. Over the years, however, this seems to have been expanded to a broader, more “generic” concept of love and nowadays it is not at all uncommon to see Valentine’s Day greetings between persons who are just extremely close to each other, without having a lover or partner relationship.

To be honest, I quite like the broader concept although many critics of Valentine’s Day (and there are many out there) argue that this is entirely in keeping with commercialization of every occasion nowadays to make more people spend more money. The more people who get into the Valentine’s Day scheme of things, the better it is for commerce and business, they argue.

I personally see nothing wrong with this. Yes, so there could well be a commercial aspect to all this. But at the end of the day it is about feelings. About warm feelings towards another person. And that can never be a bad thing, in my opinion.

Let’s look at it this way. A lot of people struggle to express their feelings towards another person. Ironically, for most people, positive feelings seem to be even more difficult to bring across than negative feelings. Often the body language goes into overdrive in a negative setting, or, one just vents one’s feelings without holding back.

It is somehow different when you want to express love or affection towards another person. Not everybody is comfortable doing this. I tend to think a lot of misunderstandings arise between two persons, not because of their being negative towards each other, but purely because of their inability to communicate their positive feelings towards each other.

And that is a real pity because most people, deep down, love to be loved. Or at least liked. And they are. It is just that people haven’t worked out yet a method to work past their inhibitions. Besides, for a lot of people, especially men, this seems to be even more difficult because, for some reason, it is considered a weakness or even “unmanly” in some societies to show a softer side to your personality. Even hugging somebody (now better known as “jaadu ki jhappi” in many parts of India, thanks to the blockbuster film Munnabhai MBBS) seems to be something not many are easily comfortable with.

Considering all this, I personally think Valentine’s day, in its broadest application, is a very good thing. It allows people to open up a bit, it gives them an opportunity to share their feelings with another person.

Yes, it can be argued that this feeling should be present throughout the year and not on just one day alone. True, but then the same argument could be put forth for Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, World Peace Day, World Anti-Corruption Day and every other such occasion we try to commemorate on a single day every year. It is not about expressing the feeling only on THAT day, it is about marking a particular day of the year to remind all of us of the importance of that sentiment.

Besides, I am sure nobody will argue that we live in a world where we could do with more love, affection and caring between people. And surely if more people buy into this, it cannot be a bad thing. And if that means setting aside a particular day of the year to remind people of this, so be it! And if it means commerce flourishes with the sale of more flowers or chocolates or jewellery or other gifts, so be it! When this is money spent on somebody you love, surely it’s got to be money well-spent?

Which brings me to another point. The problem that a lot of people have with Valentine’s Day is the “gift” side of it. Just figuring out what gift to give can be a major cause of stress. Some people even jokingly say that Valentine’s Day is when a relationship is most likely to break because the gift becomes the deal-breaker. All I can say to that is, if the GIFT is what has been keeping the relationship going in the first place, then it is probably best that the deal does get broken.

In a sense, this is a smaller version of the bigger Christmas issue where people get extremely stressed out over Christmas presents. You’ve got to get something for everybody in the family, everybody’s doing it, you are not even sure who likes what, maybe you are getting something the person already has – oh, it is one hell of a nightmare!

It is. The post-Christmas returns at any store are a good testimony to the fact that the process of giving gifts at Christmas has more to do with obligation between two parties than ANY understanding of each other’s likes and dislikes. :-) It is all very well-intentioned of course but it still goes all horribly wrong.

Ideally Christmas should be about the spirit and not about the gifts. And it is the same with Valentine’s Day. It is about the feeling and not about the gift per se. I think I speak for most people when I say this but I really couldn’t care less if anybody did not ever give me any material gift on any occasion – a genuine, felt-from-the-heart “thinking about you today” message would mean more to me than a material gift given as an obligation.

So that’s how simple it is. I think it is a WONDERFUL occasion to mark a WONDERFUL emotion. And, importantly, it does NOT have to cause stress.

So, here’s wishing all those close to my heart, a very happy Valentine’s Day!

Am thinking about you – you should be knowing who you are! :-)