My earlier post on Rajesh Khanna, written
soon after his death, was an outpouring of emotion more than anything
else. Much of it had to do with my
memories of the man from my younger days, especially my school days.
School life, especially
primary/secondary school, is usually the time of your life when you look at things
through the most innocent of lenses. Things are often black and white – you don’t
know, or usually care, about the complex aspects of any topic.
That post was intended to remember
Rajesh Khanna as I knew him – inasmuch as one can “know” an actor who he has
never met or had contact with. But Rajesh made a connection with me in my
childhood and the post was MY way of thanking him for all those good memories
of that time. And though there is some reference to the “other” side of Rajesh
(the side we did not see on film), it was not the main focus of that post. My childhood memories are of Rajesh the ACTOR,
not Rajesh the HUMAN BEING.
Today, as I am pushing 50 – and have,
over the years, seen a bit of life – I think I can take a distance from just
Rajesh the ACTOR and talk a bit about Rajesh the HUMAN BEING. He might hate me
for this – for he himself often did not seem to see his life as anything other
than one big acting performance (his last words about “pack up” would seem to
confirm this) but I do want to discuss this anyway. Because I think this is THE
CRUX of the complex character that was Rajesh Khanna.
Much of what I will say here is
based on my take on life – and I tend to think it could apply to anybody, not
just Rajesh Khanna. But then again it is MY take, so I have no illusions about others
necessarily having to agree with me.
Very importantly, everything I say about Rajesh here is NOT being said as a
Rajesh fan. My previous post, yes – this one, no. I am writing this as a
near-50 adult – not a starry-eyed teenager. I was, am – and will always be – a Rajesh
fan, but I think I have the ability to take a reasonable distance from that
relationship and be able to construct an opinion divested from the baggage that
such closeness carries with it.
Equally importantly, I have
absolutely no pretensions about having access to, or being privy to, any aspect
of Rajesh Khanna’s life that is not out there in the public doman. I’ve never
met him – I’ve only seen him as an actor on screen. And read various items
about him in the media over the last 40-odd years. That’s it. My assessment is
based entirely on this limited exposure to the man. Those with more exposure to
him could very well have a very different (and possibly more informed) take on
him. So I am NOT speaking from an “insider”
position, just my humble “averagely informed” opinion.
I’d also like to say that I have
no intentions of causing hurt to anybody through this piece. I’ve come across a
lot of vicious attacks on Rajesh in the
last four decades. Even just a couple of days ago, barely a day after Rajesh
was cremated, I received an e-mail from a friend, linking to an amazingly scurrilous
piece about him, published AFTER his death. I will not comment about the
content but I think it must take a certain type of mindset to be able to write
a piece so scurrilous, so soon after a man’s death. It really takes all types…
Maybe, in a sense, that article is
part of the reason I am writing this. I don’t know what it was trying to
achieve – but it does look like those who were baying for Rajesh’s blood during
his lifetime, have no intention of leaving him alone in peace even now. After
all, there’s this upsurge of sympathy and love for Rajesh Khanna - and there’s every chance future generations
may not remember all the bad things that Rajesh did, right? And how can we
allow that to happen? We’ve spent a lifetime telling the world “the truth” – we’re
not going to let a lifetime’s work be undone by a minor detail like the man
dying. The man may be gone but we must soldier on.
I cannot help but cast my mind to those lines
from that famous “Friends, Romans,
Countrymen” speech by Mark Antony in
Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar:
The
evil that men do lives after them
The
good is oft interred with their bones
The “evil” that Rajesh did, does
seem to have a much bigger chance of living on, than the good he must have
done.
But did Rajesh Khanna do any good?
I’m not talking about Rajesh Khanna, the ACTOR here – I am talking about Rajesh
Khanna, the HUMAN BEING.
If he did, there’s hardly any mention
of it anywhere. It is all either about his acting (his films, his songs) or
about all the bad things he’s supposed to have done. At this rate the only
thing future generations will remember of him will be these two sides of his
life. One flattering, the other most decidedly not.
I’d like somebody to stand up and
talk about anything, ANYTHING good that he did as a person. The only positive
comment I can remember now is something I read about Zeenat Aman saying that
when they (the crew) returned from an overseas shooting (presumably for Aashiq
Hoon Baharon Ka), there was some sort of collection drive going on in Bombay for a good cause. Apparently Rajesh Khanna donated a huge
amount – Zeenat did not say how much but she said it was “very generous”.
So are there any more stories like
this out there? Because if there are, it would be nice to get them out there.
So as get a more balanced picture about Rajesh Khanna, the person. I’m feeling like Arnab Goswami here (“the
nation needs to know”) but indeed, there is usually more than one side to a
story or a person. And for the last almost four decades, there’s only side that
has been put out there about Rajesh, the person.
When I wrote my earlier piece, I tweeted it out to a
few persons of a generation earlier than, or the same as, mine. If only hoping to
get a perspective that would enrich my own.
Now they are all busy people and
may not even have read it, let alone have had the time or interest to respond to it.
However, I was very happy and gratified to receive a response from the ever-perspicacious
Madhu Trehan, somebody I have always admired and respected from the early days
of India Today magazine (I used to “devour” it in the 1970s and the early 80s). Madhu now has a
website www.newslaundry.com which I visit regularly – she gives me a reason to have
hope that the terms “values” and “current Indian media” can still be used in the same
sentence.
In three tweets, Madhu gave me her take on Rajesh Khanna – and,
though they may sound harsh, they are loaded with wisdom – and probably a fair
summation of Rajesh Khanna’s biggest failing.
I quote them here (I trust she won’t
mind):
@Raja_Sw All I can
say, judging a man by his films and what he was as a human being are different
parameters
@Raja_Sw I saw a man
who took his success too seriously & his failures too seriously-thereby his
place on earth too seriously
@Raja_Sw A person who
misses his Lightness of Being, has missed the point of existence
Hmm…
That was an angle that I’d NEVER
thought of but it tied in very nicely with the angle that I HAD thought of.
And that was that Rajesh Khanna’s
biggest failing was that he lived in a bubble.
I cannot help feeling that it is
very ironic that one of Rajesh Khanna’s most famous dialogues is one that goes “ye duniya ek rang manch hai aur hum sab rang
manch ki kathputhliyaan”.
I firmly believe Rajesh not just
delivered this line of dialogue, he got caught up in it – and he lived the rest
of his life, trapped by the illusion and delusion of the world that it creates.
The average Joe goes through life
with a whole range of experiences shaping his thinking, his evolution and his
interactions with society. The more exposed he is to real-life happenings, the
hustle-bustle of daily life, the more he comes to terms with the world.
However, Rajesh’s life was
anything but like the average Joe’s life.
For starters, he was just 26 when
Aradhana released and he was catapulted to an overnight sensation status. The
feeling must have been unbelievably heady – some thing that I am unable to even
relate to, because I’ve never had (and am never likely to have) the experience
of the frenzied adulation of millions and millions of people, falling all over
you, wanting to touch you, wanting to marry you, wanting to get one glimpse of
you. It is one thing to aspire for fame
and a celebrity status – it is totally another to be able to handle it if and
when it does come to you.
Then the sycophants. Rajesh was
made to feel like God. Not just by his fans but by those around him. They
pampered him, they attended to his every whim and fancy, they ensured the
thickening of the walls of the bubble that he got into – and they did such a
good job of it that he stayed trapped within.
Apparently Rajesh did not take kindly to criticism – and these so-called
well-wishers weren’t going to say or do anything that could get them in his bad
books and ruin their own parasitic progress.
Then the habits. Leading from the
above, it isn’t strange at all that Rajesh’s habits began getting “aiyaash” (wastrel-like). “The world can wait, after all I am Rajesh
Khanna. A star, not a clerk”. The drinking, the drama, the sense of being God…
Then the fall. I was looking for a
term that describes it better than “precipitous” but I cannot find one, so I’ll
settle for this. One after another, his films began failing – largely due to
the above. With such sycophants around you who don’t dare tell you what you’re
doing wrong, with such habits that are bound to reflect on your performances,
it should have been seen coming from a mile. The external environment was one thing, but the self-destruction that Rajesh inflicted on himself was the far bigger reason for his fall, in my opinion.
But SO lost was he in that bubble
that he got into denial – he kept
telling himself that his films were doing well, that he was still the number one.
And that to me was always his key
problem. He was in that bubble, he was in denial for way too long. In order for
a person to accept reality, he has to first come out of denial and face
reality. Acceptance comes only thereafter. But if somebody does not even come
out of denial, there’s no hope, there’s only delusion.
I know I’m saying seemingly harsh things here – and it is indeed
“chhota moonh, badi baat”. In fact “bahut
hi chhota moonh, badi baat”, given our relative statures and achievements in
life. But I don’t think I am that far off from the truth.
And sometimes I wish I’d been
there with Rajesh during those heady days of his. I’d have told him to his face
– and borne the brunt of his response, abuse and all. And I’d have told him
again. And again.
Rajesh may have been getting delusional –but I don't think he was a stupid
man. I'd have persisted - and I’d not have let those
sycophants and leeches get within a mile of him.
And, even if a fall had come
eventually (the old order changeth, and all that), he would have been man
enough to take it into his stride. After all, failure and success are part of
life. I might even have tried some poetry and quotes with him, seeing his
penchant for drama and the like. Kipling’s “Success and failure are the same
imposter” maybe.
Anyway, this is all wishful
thinking. And it was not to be. Maybe he was MEANT to be that poster-boy for
posterity - for how NOT to let success get to your head, how NOT to burn your
bridges, how NOT to trust yes-men around you. Maybe he was meant to be that
lesson for future generations.
Anyway this was MY angle. If you
combine this with Madhu’s angle – that he seemed to take everything too
seriously – his successes, his failures – and therefore his place on earth,
then you get a much stronger sense of the man. You get a sense of – and an
explanation for – his insecurities, his drinking, his moods.
So this is the “Rajesh Khanna, the
person” image that I have.
It is NOT a negative image, mind
you. It is a VERY HUMAN image. It could happen to anybody.
Yes, if he hadn’t taken himself
and his successes/failures SO seriously, he might have been able to have more
equanimity in life and face reality more easily. And if he hadn’t let that
success get to his head, he might have had a much happier and more social life,
once his heyday would be behind him (as it eventually would be anyway).
But these are all ifs and buts.
Life isn’t scripted this way. The more I
think about it, the more I feel Rajesh’s life was a drama in itself – worthy of
an Oscar-winning script. I can’t help feeling he would love for that to happen –
that somebody makes a film on him. Because for him, his reel-life and his real
life were one and the same.
Well, maybe one day somebody WILL
make a film on him.
I just hope that that person is
kind towards him. Truthful – and kind. Tell the dirty picture if you like – but
tell it from the point of view also of somebody who was only human. Who had a
lot of charm and charisma – but, for all that, was still only human.
That is all I ask for him. Let
posterity not know him only as a superstar. Let posterity also know about the
mistakes he made. It is a lesson for one and all.
But, at the same time, let
posterity also not sit and judge him on the narrow canvas of his reel life and
his real-life actions. Let it also seek to understand the motivations and the
tribulations of the very vulnerable mind trapped inside the body of a superstar.
That is all I ask for him.
That is all I ask for him.
